Forgiveness, Small Group Ministry, September 2011

Readings about Forgiveness

When we forgive, we come as close as any human being can to the essentially divine act of creation. ~ Lewis Smedes

The great gifts the Jewish people have given me, through the Days of Awe, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, is the reminder that each year, even each new day, brings with it the hope for transformation, for possibility, for forgiveness and acceptance. And that when we bring those qualities of acceptance and forgiveness to our religious community, all of us grow and become better people.

~Rev. Barbara Wells, Paint Branch UU Church

The following are from Forms of Prayer-Days of Awe published by the Reform Synagogues of Great Britain

A tale is told of one who stayed in study before the ... Rabbi, and before Rosh Hashanah came to obtain permission to be dismissed.  The [Rabbi] said to him "Why are you hurrying?" Said he to him, "I am a Reader and I must look into the festival prayer book, and put my prayers in order." Said the Rabbi to him, "The prayer book is the same as it was last year.  But it would be better for you to look into your deeds, and put yourself in order."  ~ S.Y.Agnon

One can always find warm hearts who in a glow of emotion would like to make the whole world happy, but who have never attempted the sober experiment of bringing a real blessing to a single human being.  It is easy to revel enthusiastically in one's love of man, but it is more difficult to do good to someone solely because he is a human being.  When we are approached by a human being demanding his right, we cannot replace definite ethical action by mere vague good will.  How often has the mere love of one's neighbor been able to compromise and hold its peace! ~ Leo Baeck 

Said the Leover: "If someone comes to you for assistance and you say to him "God will help you," you become a disloyal servant of God.  It is for you to understand that God has sent you to aid the needy, and not to refer him back to God."  ~Chasidic

The Path of Forgiveness
For many Jews, a crucial aspect of the ten-day period that begins with Rosh Hashanah and ends with Yom Kippur  is the process of T’shuvah, which means both “repentance” and “return to our highest selves.” The High Holy Days, or Days of Awe, provide the opportunity for each individual, as well as the religious community as a whole, to become involved in introspection and transformation. Everyone is encouraged to closely examine the shortcomings in their lives and to develop ways to bring about changes in the coming year. It’s a time of looking inward in order to move forward toward wholeness with less baggage from the past.

Forgiveness has been called the path back to the true self. It is essential to the healing of old wounds and letting go of old wrongs. In forgiving others, we do not deny or condone the wrongdoing. Instead, we stop the flow of pain, reclaim hope, and commit ourselves to beginning anew. As Lewis Smedes has said, “When we forgive, we come as close as any human being can to the essentially divine act of creation.”

Forgiveness begins primarily in our relationships with ourselves.
In the words of Rev. Barbara Wells of the Paint Branch UU Church: “All of us, if we can learn to accept our own limitations and ’fess up to our wrongs, can and will be forgiven. First, we must forgive ourselves. I know I was taught at an early age that if I made a mistake I was somehow flawed. As I grow and change, I am trying hard to see that mistakes are life’s way of teaching us. If we can’t let go of guilt and shame toward ourselves, then why should anyone else forgive us?” And if we can extend loving compassion to ourselves, we will naturally develop more compassionate relationships with others. This compassion frees us from hate and the desire to even the score, allows us to let go of shame or discomfort about the hurt, and enables us to recognize our capacity for healing.

We invite you to enter into the process of T’shuvah.
If you wish, use some or all of the questions in Sharing/Deep Listening below,  in your self-reflection. The questions may touch on painful issues and although it can be of great benefit to explore them, do so carefully and at your own pace.

Opening Words
Spirit of Life, come unto me.
Sing in my heart all the stirrings of compassion.
Blow in the wind, rise in the sea;
Move in the hand, giving life the shape of justice.
Roots hold me close, wings set me free;
Spirit of Life, come to me, come to me.  ~Hymn 123, “Spirit of Life”

Check in Share a high and low point of your life this past month.

Responsive Reading
Each member takes a turn saying the leading line in regular type, while others say the response in bold.
For remaining silent when a single voice would have made a difference
We forgive ourselves and each other; we begin again in love.
For each time that our fears have made us rigid and inaccessible
We forgive ourselves and each other; we begin again in love.
For each time that we have struck out in anger without just cause
We forgive ourselves and each other; we begin again in love.
For each time that our greed had blinded us to the needs of others
We forgive ourselves and each other; we begin again in love.
For the selfishness which sets us apart and alone
We forgive ourselves and each other; we begin again in love.
For falling short of the admonitions of the spirit
We forgive ourselves and each other; we begin again in love.
For losing sight of our unity
We forgive ourselves and each other; we begin again in love.
For those and for so many acts both evident and subtle which have fueled the illusion of separateness, We forgive ourselves and each other; we begin again in love.

Sitting in Silence

Sharing/Deep Listening
1. Forgiveness means remembering that everyone sometimes makes bad choices. Practice is needed if we judge and criticize others or ourselves. Have you made bad choices in the last year? What have you done, or can you still do, to correct wrongs that may have resulted? Have others made bad choices that have affected you? Can you see a way to forgive them? How would you acknowledge that forgiveness?

2. Forgiveness means having the courage to face the truth. Practice is needed if we are afraid to look at our mistakes. In the past year, have you avoided dealing with problems or mistakes? What has been the result? Are there any problems or mistakes you wish to examine and work toward changing this year?

3. Forgiveness means honoring our feelings without taking revenge. Practice is needed if we take revenge or hold a grudge. In the past year have you held a grudge and been unable to forgive someone who has wronged you, or have you taken revenge? Has someone done this toward you? Is there a way to heal the wounds this year?

4. Forgiveness means not giving uncaring people opportunities to hurt us. Practice is needed if we allow careless people to keep hurting us. Do you need to set boundaries more firmly with certain individuals this year? What freedom would you achieve if you were able to do this? How could friends, family, or others help you do this?

5. Forgiveness means deciding to correct our mistakes instead of punishing ourselves. Practice is needed if we feel hopeless and helpless over bad habits. Are any “bad habits” affecting your quality of life right now? Do you punish yourself for these practices? Can you see a path to understanding and change in the next year? How could friends, family, or others help you?

Reflection
This is a time to supportively respond to something another person said or to relate additional thoughts that may have occurred as others shared.

Closing Words
Quiet moments of reflection open my soul.
Blessed with another week of life, I give thanks to the source of life.
For all the good I have known during these days that have passed, I am very grateful.
I know that I have not always responded with my best effort, but often I did earnestly try.
I have tried to give my family and friends love and devotion, and I hope that I grow more loving as the years pass.
Even as I regret my weaknesses, I rejoice in my accomplishments. Let these achievements lead to many others.
May I be blessed each week with the sense of having grown in goodness and compassion.
~ adapted from worship materials of Temple Israel, Stockton, California